Aniruddha Acharya’s Blog…

I started my life with dreams right about everyday I have lived ever till now. But all my life, all I have done is just tried. Don’t know as to what capacity have I applied myself to realize that goal but definitely got depressed what others could do about something they wanted for their lives. It’s in my nature I guess to compare myself. When I talk to my friends about it, they know what, how and when they want anything they dream about. All my life I have been just saying, get up and move forward. If I’ve failed in the effort, I would say to myself always “At least you tried, it’s okay that you failed, it’s not your fault.”

Now when I think about whatever I can recollect my entire life about times when I’ve used “Its not your fault Aniruddha! Its okay! Move along.” Here are few that I would like to declare:

1. Class 6th, could not be selected for hockey team at Junior School Level even after practicing with Level 1 team. All I said to myself was “Its okay Aniruddha! Its not your fault”. I quit playing hockey almost the next year.

2. Class 7th, even after due trying and by trying to study self about the same with the N.C.E.R.T. book issued to us by school, when I failed to understand the basic of Chemistry in Mr.Chandrasurya classes, I said to myself  “Its not your fault, move ahead.” I did not give any effort to understand Chemistry, actually started hating it.

3. Class 9th, when I failed to understand the process of Mitosis & Meiosis as to why they happen so, we were explained that it just happens but the why part was not answered, so at the end, I quit liking for Biology. All I said to myself was “Its not your fault. Move ahead!”
4. Class 9th, when I lived at hostel, I was boycotted by my batch several times, lost respect from my friends, even got beating from someone I thought was my best friend just because all this time some jerk amongst us told lie to my rest of friends and they believed it.  I lost faith in friendship and ever since have failed to believe in term what some call, Best buds. I quit making new friends after that and said to myself always “Its okay, its not your fault! Move ahead.”

5. Class 10th, I prepared for some competitive exam for an Institute which took care of preparation for IIT-JEE and I failed. Just because the reason was plain and simple, I did not have enough marks in 9th class to clear the minimum level of benchmark to be able to give the entrance exams. Like a fool after the 10th class board exams, I used to get up 4 am in the morning and study about it. Finally after some time, a letter came, you do not qualify the minimum requirement. I quit the craze towards competitive exams altogether. I said to myself “Its okay, its not your fault! Move ahead!”

6. Class 11th, I wanted to opt Commerce as my subject and study it well. But when I told this to my dad, he wrote a letter which was all emotional which somewhere read that ‘I had destroyed all his dreams.’ As I read it, I remained in Science stream and tore the letter. I had lost all the interest in my career to opt and study something I wanted to study now. All I said to myself was “Its not your fault, its okay! Move ahead.”

7. Class 11th, my father like any father to give me an advantage, got my admission done into Gupta Tutorials. Had the toughest part of my life which literally pulled my brain apart. Full day school followed by 3 hours classroom teachings of IIT-JEE stuff, I was not able to solve any. Made my life miserable. I was down, way down in case of my self-confidence. Had to quit Gupta Tutorials when I had the hardest time passing my exams in 11th. Just managed to pass my exams, but all I felt and said to myself was “Its okay! Its not your fault. Move ahead!”

8. Class 12th, result was abysmal. I was having hardest time understanding something which was called as Science. I could not mug up the derivation. I could not solve the Math problems. Just computer science and English seemed to be my liked ones. My father was sad that I could not live his dream while I was at Daly College so as to once I could get an award in an Annual function. He was sad for sure. All his hopes for me were in vein. I cried that night like anything. All I said to myself was “Its okay! Its not your fault. Move ahead!”

9. As I was short of options, now the race for madness came finally. Race for competitive exams. I did not have the competence to face any. Still, my father always thought of giving me options in life, so I had many competitive exams to face. I knew it already. I did not have the prep for it in any case. I gave them all. Selected in none. Got a call of counseling from MP-PET. I had the option of once and for all to go to Govt. College, Thrissur. But took the bad option of B.D.C.O.E. Sewagram. Went down to college, secured the admission. First day at college, could not understand a word of anything. Got nice beating the first day at hostel. When my dad came to meet me up, told him to take me away from here. I want to try again. He said, “We have paid the money already. If possible, study here itself.” I said to myself, “Its okay! Its not your fault. You will be fine here! Move ahead!”

10. B.E. – final year (2007), failed to clear the basic conditions. Failed in 3rd sem exams. Had to clear those exams in an year time. I had lost the girl I fell in love with. Was totally ruined. Cried, cried and cried. Wanted to end life somehow. But pulled myself together. All I said to myself was “Its okay! Its not your fault! You will be fine. Move ahead!”

11. Masters courses were being searched forth. Was also preparing for GRE from the time of my year discontinued due to that 3rd semester subjects. I asked my dad if he can allow me to give exams. He said, “lookout for something in India itself.” I had the hardest time with my graduation options to find any good university and my jiyaji suggested and I landed up in D.A.V.V. Did my masters, lost my closest friend, love of my life this time from my final year of my B.E. and ended up with good results for once to be good.I said to myself “Its okay! Its not your fault for anything bad happened Aniruddha. Move ahead!”

12. Right now, when I talk to my friends, Anurag, Tapan at times, they feel pity for me, they have best wishes but clear on one grounds, I have no good qualification, no talent at all and don’t know where I shall land up or find any job. Anurag says “The people who are from IIT, NIT’s or good colleges, they have worked hard to make it on top so they are earning well. Dont compare them or tell me that you deserve better chance from what they have got. You haven’t got anything they have.” I know it kills me to hear this but this is true, but again I say always “Its okay! Its not your fault! Move ahead.”

I felt like giving in always in these situations above and yet I have tried my level best to give my 100% effort to make it work, move in positive direction. But the charm is lost somewhere. I don’t know what I want to become. I feel life is same and fair to all, so everyone deserves a chance. I know I will make an excellent career in management. I have faith in myself. I will make it on the top. I know, none of the above can be said to be whose fault it was or where did I go wrong. Seeing things from now would only show the mistakes I or anyone related to me might have made it. But definitely I know for sure, I gave my complete heart and soul to make it work. I have no regrets about a thing in my life. I am proud of what I am right now. I am a person who is brave enough to face my fears with an open eye. The battle have never won by those who lost many times earlier, its only those battles where these people won are known to us. Someday, I would make everyone proud. I would make my family, friends, countrymen proud one day. Failures have been my experiences but definitely not my stands or life. I have succeeded in stepping over those and move ahead. May be, that’s my strength. I am a positive person. I know I loose confidence over myself from time to time, I fear the competition but I have been facing them all my life and face them in future. I will win them sometime, because I am making efforts. Thats what matters and rest is just speculations of everyone. It does not matter to me what my friend think of me but its my life and I will make the best of it. I dont care what people think about it. I will go down in the books of history for something at least. Adios!